Usually other people are trying to understand why my art is what it is. I have been pondering this question for awhile myself and want to share my fresh understanding.
First, I went back to review my diagnosis and the results of my autism testing.
The neuropsychologist noted there was a significant difference between the high average verbal comprehension index and the superior perceptual reasoning index. To understand what the significance was, I had to know what the different indexes indicated. I found this.
Okay! That made total sense! I always knew I was a visual thinker. Before I started understanding speech and being able to use speech to communicate, I had to learn to read and spell so that I could visualize what I was going to say and read it off from a blackboard in my head. Because I think in pictures and even running full color videos in my head, I have to translate the images into words, spelled out correctly and then read it off in my mind. Because my processing speed is only half that of my visual thinking speed, it takes awhile. It is even slower if I have to translate conversation from others into images so that I can understand and then back again into verbal language to respond in a conversation. It is somewhat easier with written language than with spoken language, which is why when you read my writing, I may come across as an intelligent, articulate person. Yet, if you were to speak to me in person, especially under fluorescent lighting, you will see another side of me that may appear mentally slow. Let me illustrate.
The painting at the top of the post is my immediate visual response to the question “How does fluorescent light affect you?”
My slowed down verbal response would be something like this.
“Fluorescent light shocks me. It makes me spasm and make noises. It makes my body twitch and I can’t keep my legs still. It is not just the light. It’s the sound too. It is like a squealing hearing aid sometimes and the sound swirls. The light swirls too. There is a pinkish fog that swirls and other colors that make me feel nauseous. I can’t tolerate it for long periods. My brain starts going dark. I struggle just to get to the point where I can get away from the light and the noise and the swirling. It’s too much. It’s overload! I can’t do it!”
So there we have it! I am a visual thinker and can think with my paint and a canvas without having to interpret in between as I have to do when I communicate with words. Sadly, it leaves a communication gap when I am speaking to people whose brains work the way most human brains in this world work.
What can I do? When it involves fluorescent lighting, I made some positive changes. I changed every light in my home to LED which does not affect me adversely. Even my aquariums have LED lighting. If I have to go to a store with fluorescent lighting, I plan my trip to get in and out as quickly as possible. If I need to wait in a waiting room where there are fluorescent lights, I look for a chair that is not against a wall because I have spasmed and slammed the wall too many times. I can take the stairs instead of an elevator with fluorescents. As much as I possibly can, I avoid fluorescent lighting.
Then, as regards the communication problems I have because of being a visual thinker, I can write, text instead of talking when possible, and to keep my visually thinking self balanced, I can keep on painting!